On-line Dating has made finding dates easy, but finding good partners harder.
This group of sessions is designed to answer the following questions:
Is on-line dating the approach I should use?
What should I be looking for and what should I ask?
How do I know if I’m asking too much?
How long should this process take?
How do I deal with rejection?
How do I know if it’s not working with someone?
How can I avoid getting jaded by the process?
Just because you’re struggling with this process does not mean there is something wrong with you. People used to meet by chance, yet today on-line dating means every date is more like an accept-or-reject interview process. It’s entirely unnatural, so it makes sense that it feels that way.
Imagine if, in the 1970’s, someone had to go to a friend’s party and interview every single person there and go then through a big long acceptance or rejection process with each person.
No one would expect us to find a relationship that way. We would fully expect most of the interactions to be rejections. Just as most people wouldn’t appeal to us in a romantic sense, we wouldn’t appeal to them for the same reason. We would all just stop going to parties.
Today, dating sites use criteria to match people up using tools that are less likely to collect good candidates than being at the party of a friend, where the friend controlled that 1970’s guest list. At least back then people knew they had someone in common.
No matter how it happens, figuring out who to date is an intuitive process that happens subconsciously, not consciously. For the 1970’s crowd, they didn’t go to a party looking for a relationship, they were just going to a party. They might be talking to someone for an hour before the idea of going on a date even occurred to them.
The realization that the person might be a good match would depend on all kinds of subliminal information, noticed by us in ways that technology cannot hope to replicate. It could depend on where they stood, and how they acted toward other individual personalities they knew at the party, or how they made contact with us.
Maybe they found the same people irritating that we do, or maybe they laughed at the same things. Maybe it’s what they are into for hobbies, or what they love about their pet, or family, or how they react to major world events. Or maybe it’s even pheromones.
In the end it’s really a crazy idea to think that a computer program could ever contain enough data-points to do what our own minds can do quite easily. The brain is not a computer, plus it can’t smell someone’s cologne, perfume, or their pheromones.
Despite all of this, the busy-ness of modern life means that many people will meet through the artifice of dating sites, so everyone still needs a way to move through those experiences –and others– in a more relaxed and productive way. Otherwise the very nature of having lists of candidates will keep everyone swiping through everyone else, forever.
Dating is complicated at the best of times, but we can learn to see ourselves, the process, and others in ways that are helpful. But for that to work we all have to have a really solid understanding of who we are, as well as what is realistic when it comes to meeting other people’s expectations.
What people need today is the sort of clarity that makes the modern dating process more sensible and comfortable, and the best way to do that is to be more aware of what we’re doing in a very particular way. These sessions are about finding that way.
Trust yourself. Contact me and we can talk on the phone and you can sense for yourself if you feel I offer unique perspectives on the dating process. Most find I do. And if not, I can promise to make the call more worthwhile than most of the dates you’ll go on.
(780) 439-0341. If I’m in a session, leave a message or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. It’s time for you to get on with your life.