The great Anthony DeMello wrote a funny chapter in his brilliant book Awareness, where he asks a couple how much they are prepared to sacrifice for love. He asks the wife if she’s truly dedicated to her husband; does she love him enough to sacrifice her own happiness for his? Yes she does. And does he love her enough to sacrifice his happiness for hers? Yes he does. But following these assertions, DeMello rightly points out that all they’ve accomplished is to glue two unhappy people together—and no good marriage will grow out of that.
Your happiness is your responsibility just as my happiness is mine. And you don’t need people to conform to you for that to happen. To be spiritually happy means you can hear another view and yet remain unaffected. You can make an idea your own, or not. But you will decide that based on your own happiness. You do not feel you or the other party has to change. In short, your love is not conditional.
If you do try to conform you will end up bending and flexing and contorting yourself out of a need to be approved of, rather than you choosing to sometimes bend or flex as an act of love. If you’re just getting up to make your partner’s breakfast, lunch or both because you want to seem impressive, or because you feel obligated, or because they’ll get mad if you don’t—then you might as well not do it at all. That’s bad karma. But if you do it out of love—if you take the time to cut fruit into hearts because you love your spouse and you love the idea of making them happy—then that’s good for all involved. You loved doing it, they love getting it. Everybody wins when we act with authenticity.
Enjoy your day.
peace. s
Scott McPherson is a writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and nonprofit organizations around the world.
I help people achieve better mental health by teaching them about reality.