Before we can tell the difference between the healthy excitement associated with big but worthwhile experiences, and the anxiousness created by our own resistant thinking, we must become keenly aware of what’s going on within our own consciousness.
As a result of the accident, and my subsequent questions about the very experience of being, I have been strongly motivated to meditate on the notion of consciousness since I was five years old—the very age most kids start asking those big questions about life and death.
The difference was, I was looking for evidence in the real world, whereas other kids were asking parents that generally found those questions too abstract for serious consideration. That’s a shame because, over time, I’ve learned that thinking about something that big and abstract, at that young age, is actually the perfect time.
As children, we all learned to talk by listening to those around us, and then by imitating and iterating them. At a certain point for everyone, those discussions flip into becoming internal, meaning we begin to talk to ourselves rather than others. That’s how hearing about one of our parent’s fear of heights or water, can easily become our own.
When external discussions become internal, many parents notice the temporary effect wherein their children invent an invisible friend, or they give that internal voice to a stuffed animal that they can have egocentric discussions with. This happens because children are often so shocked by hearing their own egos for the first time, in their own head, that they attempt to ascribe that voice to something that’s outside of themselves.
Fortunately for me, my accident happened shortly after that shift, which resulted in me being able to easily recognize the enormous distinction between the personal thinking that forms our ego’s worldview, and the generally much calmer, safer, and more universal reality that we all live within.
Whereas I could watch my mind formulating my words and my emotions, I slowly began to realize that other people lived as though they were the thoughts and not the thinker. They would forget that it was their true self that was choosing words to described reality, so they would respond as though their thinking was reality, rather than a very limited description of it.
Talking or writing about swimming may describe it, but it will not ever feeling anything like actual swimming. Similarly, thinking in words about ourselves actually chops who we are into little pieces which then encourages people to think that, if they only could put the pieces in the right order, or change a piece or two, that good feelings would result.
Approaching things in that way is well-intentioned, but it leaves people feeling near-constant insecurity, because everyone feels like they can’t relax until both they, and the world around them, can be somehow made perfect. People don’t need change as much as they need awareness.
It often takes me a few sessions before people start developing a real sense of separation between their thoughts, and the thinker they actually are. But once that level of detachment is achieved, it becomes much easier to see our thoughts not as intrusive or troublesome, but more as something should only be applied when that tool is right for the job.
Once someone has that more detached perspective, it is far easier to shift their attention away from their fearful thoughts, and onto a clearer understanding of the larger reality that is always available to us. That reality may still include challenges, but we stop building mental barriers between us, and our ability to meet those challenges.
People should not take their struggles personally. As Krishnamurti suggested, it is no good thing to be well-adjusted to a sick society, and society is clearly struggling. That is why, when I started doing this in 2000, previous generations rarely presented with anxiety.
Unfortunately, since about 1990, a calm, accepting state of mind has been increasingly difficult to achieve. The internet itself offers many valuable things. But once smartphones gave the web a moment-to-moment pervasiveness in our lives, any attention given to our phones was necessarily stolen away from our families, friends, and fellow citizens. And all those little cuts are starting to add up to a dysfunctional society.
Since the virtual world is a marketplace, it naturally filled itself with a proliferation of media sources that each define their audiences by what they aren’t. That sort of unnecessary comparison, and then the prompt to self-elevate our own personal tastes above others, is what has fractured society into increasingly narrow, exclusive, competitive sets of isolated and disconnected subcultures.
While there are many benefits to recognizing different types of interests, market forces are financially motivated to focus on the differences between our subcultures, even though those subtle differences are insignificant when compared with the unity created by our similarities as human beings.
With each group defining so many traits and views as being ‘unacceptable,’ it has led to a fraught, anxious world. Too many people are struggling to find a natural-feeling identity that’s not only acceptable to their subculture, but that also one that’s acceptable to others.
Since there is obviously no way to control the thoughts and opinions of others, our only route to peace and the self-assurance that goes with it, is to change not only how we see ourselves—but also how we understand others and the world around us.
If I have a specialty, it is in helping others to redefine themselves and their interactions with others, in ways that won’t compromise your fundamental nature, but that will allow you to be confident in it.
If you would like to relax into the world in a confident, capable manner, then I may be the guide to your own self-acceptance you’ve been looking for. If you are open to the idea that you might actually be a better and more capable person than your own personal thinking suggests, then I may be just the person for you.
Send me an email at scottis@relaxandsucceed.com and we can arrange for a no-obligation discussion about how we can approach unleashing your full potential in a way that also allows you to feel comfortable wherever you are. Because, if you are seeking to ‘let go’ of the past and accept and embrace a new future, then I may be just the right guide for you.
peace. s
NOTE: If you want to know more about my background and/or my approach, the links in this note will get you to further information in that regard.
