She Said Lenny

She Said Lenny, by Jim Donovan (film below)

There’s a of people who believe the idea of genderless love is silly and yet others who believe it is exalted. None of this is written to change your mind, but it is provided as a potential insight into the other side’s views.

The world itself might seem like a thing but it is in fact a concept you have. The trick is, your brain’s identity is comprised of how you’re taught to see things, and we were all taught when we were younger. So no matter how old you are, the older you get the more different the world gets from the one you were raised to initially understand. My parents have trouble understanding ideas that are based on ideas that were developed long after they were young.

Today, at least in the Western world, we have this weird thing: we currently have two generations cohabitating and yet one grew up with “gay people” and the other group didn’t. Of course gay people either accepted or stressed over their own knowledge of this fact, but the point is, it wasn’t a common concept shared in the culture. Straight people rarely if ever heard about gayness. We quite literally didn’t know it existed. Liberace was creative and flamboyant, not gay. Rock Hudson and Richard Chamberlain were dashing leading men that women fawned over. No one said anything about them loving men.

Can you be blamed if a secret is kept from you? Because you surely and simply cannot be blamed if you learn a life-altering secret and it takes a while for your brain to install that new idea. Like in this case, maybe the idea of genuine homosexuality. Remember, in some countries there’s still a lot of disbelief about the reality of being gay. Even where I’m from in Canada, being gay was only “made legal” in 1967, and gay people couldn’t be married until 2005, and yet Canada was the fourth nation in the world to make it legal.

History is short, and the people that don’t understand homosexuality or bisexuality or transexuality are all being very honest. Those things have never really been planted as ideas in their minds and, once they were, they were treated in very hostile ways by people’s existing beliefs  because that’s what brains do. So for many the new idea didn’t survive. But we’ve all done that, just about things other than being gay. We all do that with ideas we’re not accustomed to. Even having crutches can be stressful because it asks us to alter our view of our own place in the world.

Meanwhile the new generation are more like the Greeks, who had many words for love. That’s better than one word, but it’s still carving an incredible whole into pretty incomplete pieces. So more mature people are somewhat correct; the world generally isn’t improved by creating more definitions because a definition is just another word for a separation or a difference. That creates the potential for duality and conflict and boom, we all have a mess to deal with. Better that we forget the words and divisions and just respect love as love.

Understand: the big new concept-acceptance process is brain-difficult for any person who tries to learn, whether it’s learning something else, or learning that homosexuals can experience the same genuine love the person feels in their own relationships. It’s equally hard for some person who’s accepted those ideas to understand that there could be people who are very genuine in their sense that homosexuality is wrong. Both things just feel wrong to opposing view. We can make it legally right, but that still won’t help some people to change their minds.

This short film, She Said Lenny, by Jim Donovan, is a great example of someone experiencing the moment where their ideas about the world are challenged. Much as the lead character learns in the film The Crying Game, this doesn’t mean straight people need to convert, or that gay people need to be angry that others don’t share their views. It is possible for us to agree to disagree, so long as we’re willing to let others be as free as we ourselves are.

Society is a work in progress. The good news is, history has always added more and more types of people to the accepted family, and that is becoming increasingly easier as people like NASA seriously begin to plan to meet potential cultures from other planets. It’s good we’re practicing this skill with other types of humans in a way. Maybe it’ll make it easier for us when the Darius Kasparaitis lands on Earth and we actually meet Hakan Loob, the leader from from the planet Jyrki Lumme. Won’t that suddenly make us all feel like one family.

peace. s

PS With thanks to my buddy Craig for pointing the film out to me.

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.

The Friday Dose #102

877 FD Relax and Succeed - It's beautiful whenIf you’re not on facebook you won’t get the Thursday replacement post for the week’s meditation. This week’s was The Creation of You and it proved very popular so I thought I would provide a link to it here.

You are doing very important things by conducting these daily meditations. All of the definitions that you see as yourself are not you, those are labels that are there for us to organize ourselves. If you take those seriously they’ll bind you up and prevent you from growing.

People think a lot of young people are lost when in reality they’re found. A lot of people are seen as crazy for jumping off the treadmill and returning to life. That isn’t going crazy. That’s going sane. The world is actually changing. But if we are so busy living the narratives of our identities then we will have very little time available to engage with the aspects of life that are profound. Our nows are spend doing and not being.

Here’s a guy called Infinite Waters discussing the act of letting go of your beliefs to discover who you really are. That is what each of these exercises are designed to do. As we make your ego transparent you will once again be able to see and to guide yourself toward a life that is especially yours.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Stay aware.

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations around the world.

Producing Peace

Okay, so you’ve had a week of starting your day off with what you feel grateful for. If you do that earnestly for a while it will really start to pay off. And how did you do watching for judgments? It’s amazing how many of them you make in your mind. I like this song, that hairstyle looks terrible on her, what’s he doing telling me how it should be done? Blah blah blah all day long.

850 Relax and Succeed - Tim is on the internetFor the rest of this week I want you to notice how seldom people make each other feel good and how often they reduce each other. Feel your own reductions so that you can appreciate how it feels for others when you insert an unrequired, unsolicited opinion on anything from their car to their childrearing. If the world needs our help it’ll ask. In the meantime, we could be giving compliments instead.

Most of the time when you say do it the right way you mean do it your way. That’s a judgment call. To each their own. You don’t want other people telling you how to do every other little thing, so just stay quiet in the driver’s seat and let your co-parent actually parent. Get out of the habit of thinking that your view is the right one. Stop thinking anyone has the right one. Realize that we don’t need better behaving people, we need a more tolerant society that can allow people to a) do things differently and b) learn while doing.

For the rest of this week stop at the top of every hour and check in on how many judgments you made of yourself and others, out loud and internal. Study them and realize how ridiculous they are–how they’re primarily just requests to act like you. See them for what they are: pointless commentary on the game of life. It’s time you and everyone else gave up all the judging and got back to the serious business of playing instead.

850 Relax and Succeed - Kindness is the new blackWhat kind of words show up when you judge? Watch for them. Better, right, proper, etc etc. Avoid those words. See how few judgments you can pass in a day. And do it very seriously for the rest of your work-week. If you want a more peaceful life you have to get out of the habit of judging every single step you and others take. The world doesn’t need referees or teachers watching our every move. We all need to get quieter minds. So when someone corrects you remember it means nothing to you, and remember the opposite is also true: your opinion lives only in your head. Unless asked for it we should just leave it dormant within us.

By the end of today you should have categories of judgments you’re aware of. Physical ones, philosophical ones, factual ones etc. etc. etc. Know them. Be familiar with what incites your judgments. Be wary in those situations. Each day work to reduce the amount of comments you make about others driving, work, attitudes and level of respect. Just Be you. If you’re doing it right that will keep you plenty busy.

Now go create an awesome day by quieting your mind by studying and stalling your judgments. Put it in your calendar so you’re reminded each morning: no judgments today. Practice will never make perfect but it will create a ton of peace for you to enjoy. Have a great day everyone!

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and nonprofit organizations around the world.