Dedicated Awareness

1274 Relax and Succeed - Threat your relationshipsA few years back some newlyweds moved in down the street. You know the type. They were the kind of couple that frustrates unloved people because they are so doting, so nose-to-nose, as they bob in a bubbly beaming kind of love.

They got themselves the cutest little puppy. He wasn’t too sure-footed, but he made up for a lack of direction in enthusiasm. Their morning walks past my house looked like their conversations sounded, zipping from over here to over there for no apparent reason, but every minute of travel was full of life as he tangled the two together with his leash. I saw this little tableau play out every single morning at 6:00am.

After they had lived there a couple of years, their walk had switched to match the dog’s. Now it was a bit after 6:00am when they went by, although that worked because they could move faster thanks to the dog walking in a straight line while they just held hands and talked. Sometimes you could tell one had an early morning or a late night, because one or the other of them would go by alone with the dog, which worked, because by then the dog was less trouble in that he was much more predictable by then.

1274 Relax and Succeed - Do not let a lack of awarenessWithin a couple years after that people saw them together far less often. Their appearances grew less youthful and more professional. They walked and talked more professionally too, even to each other. By now they were almost ignoring the dog the walk was so predictable.

By about seven years in, he’s usually walking the dog alone, and if it’s not him alone it’s her. Whoever it is is now on the phone more than they pay attention to the dog. As we age we get jobs that demand more, our days start often earlier. Even the dog was starting to walk more slowly by then.

Over the next few years you saw them together and apart, but even when they were together it definitely seemed like the warmth had worn off. They’d go by, bundled up in winter clothes, never holding hands, often on their phones in separate virtual locations. I’d see the dog run around in the field chasing the ball, but no one was watching it, and they only looked for the ball after the dog was waiting for another throw, no more pride in him just finding it all.

I found it a bit sad to watch, because it had always been a good and loyal dog. But now he was slowing down and his running days were numbered and he seemed more anxious than ever to access his inner puppy. Mostly his excitement just frustrated them as they worked to calm him down.

1274 Relax and Succeed - The best time to plant a treeEventually the owner was waiting for the dog as it limped along. It just sat in the field now and watched the other dogs run, wishing it still could too. And so it would sit there, alone in the cold, while whoever was walking him checked their work messages before dragging him back to the house.

Of course eventually the dog died, as did the relationship. In fact, the track of their walks is very similar to the journey most relationships take, from focus and appreciation to assumption and demands. With each slightly colder step, we remove the heat from the relationship and we create unnecessary distance between us and others. This only happens due a lack of consciousness that it is happening.

The dog died with puppy still in his heart. But that pup could not play without someone to play with. So too went the relationship. The puppy; the loving, caring, bumbling, mistake-ridden, totally forgiven for crapping on the carpet puppy, was always present. All he needed was two partners who were prepared to stay connected and to notice he was there, as playful as ever. If we can all learn to do that one thing, we can all learn to keep our dogs for as long as we live.

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.

Healing Animals

932 Relax and Succeed - When I look into the eyes of an animalWe all want to feel better. We all seek solutions to problems or to better ourselves in some way. We want to see life advance and grow and expand and we want to deal with people and situations that will permit or even encourage that growth. We see the challenges associated with money, status and power but we recognize almost none regarding peace.

Peace of Mind is an actual state. You have no resistance, no struggle, no distance, no desire. You are completely fine with the world as it is. You accept it and there isn’t even any classification of things let alone full narratives about them. You are clear and present in the moment–the most peaceful and beautiful place to be.

When we’re locked in ego we’ll tend to try to use ego to get back to peace, which you can’t really do. You can’t try your way into peace you have to relax your way in. It’s an act of letting go. A good example is a young lady who has been walking her dog in front of my house for several years now. She used to be very happy but now she has many problems.

932 Relax and Succeed - Learn a lesson from your dogBack when she’d first got her dog the dog was the center of her life. It got played with in the park, he was always looked at and talked to. Dogs are great because they’re a pack animal that is brilliant at forgiving and it’s like they’re just always waiting for something great to happen. She used to love watching him spot a squirrel or another dog he was excited to see. Now she’s mostly upset.

She’s a teenager now so her parents got her a phone. Presumably this is about connectivity with her family and friends and that’s all understandable and yet, being a tool, she’s learned to think of her tool as her answer instead of herself. So before she had the phone she got half an hour off each evening for a nice peaceful dog walk. Now the dog walks ignored alongside her while she mostly argues with people via her phone via earbuds that block the world out.

Sometimes she walks by talking to someone about some offense she’s experienced, sometimes she’s texting with a worried or angry look on her face. She used to smile and say hello to many neighbours previously, but these little doses of happiness have been forgone in favour of the phone. Those dog walks used to create great happiness within her but now her what’s next? brain is waiting for happiness to be delivered to her via the external world.

932 Relax and Succeed - The vital function that pets fulfillMeanwhile the dog is still there, ignored but very present. He notices the neighbours every time he passes. She can walk past some amazing things and not even notice she’s done it. So the purpose of her wanting the dog was wanting companionship and the dog did that really well. The phone was also a request for increased companionship in a way, but if you were to look at the results the way a scientist would, it seems crazy that the phone would go on the walks because it almost always leads to frustration or worry or sadness whereas the dog never did.

Now she’s locked into an external world where she’s fighting an external battle for status or money or power or love. These are all gains of the ego. Her spirit could easily be happy with just the dog. There’s a lot of evidence that the dog would do the same thing as before if she only paid it some attention. He still has the same demeanour, he still watches her hoping she’ll interact. He still believes in her. It’s her that doesn’t believe in her.

If you have a pet then consider spending more time with it as a spiritual exercise. Watch how the animal reacts to the world relative to you. Watch how you feel when you’re with it. Just like any good guru a dog will always be willing to join you in the moment you are in if you are willing to abandon your thoughts about other places and other times.

Look into your fellow creature’s face. See your old friend there. They’re waiting for you to come to them so they can heal with you. Join them.

pees. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.

The Friday Dose #73

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Today’s Dose is about the remarkable, consistent and unconditional love of animals. Our pets love us in such a pure way. They know everything about us and yet if we’re not conscious enough to do anything about it, they still let us get away with fair amounts of neglect and they will still meet us with love.

Today your mental distraction starts with the brilliant mind and eye of a German photographer who specializes in pets, and in particular Dog photos that could be featured in ways that communicate their personalities. Her work is delightful, it’s gorgeous and it’s very likely to make you happy. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you Elke Vogelsang and her models:

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Elke Vogelsang Photography

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And after that bit of lightness we will proceed on to an absolutely beautiful film that will has a great lesson for all of us in life. It’ll make you cry in that way we all love doing, where you feel better afterwards–even you tough guys out there. This is a story narrated by Denali, about his life with cancer, and the living he did with his best friend, Ben Moon. I highly recommend it:

Thanks everyone. If anyone’s interested in any more dog material, here’s the link to my last day with my beloved dog Mo: Mo-ments

Have a great weekend everyone. Love who’s present.

peace and love. s

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Judging Your Life 2

You’re judging theirs and yours, they’re judging yours and theirs—everyone’s comparing lives and feeling good or bad based on who’s nearby and what we believe about them. It’s a crazy, busy, confusing way to live. Today’s blog is about forgetting all of those opinions and external ideas so that you can remember who you really are. Enjoy:

A Difficult Decision

Over the last 6 months or more I have had two rescue dogs I just love. One of them had a troubled past which has lead to some serious behaviour issues. I’ve been through two trainers and a behaviourist with little effect. He’s needed operations—I was with him in the ICU spending a fortune I don’t have when nothing was for sure. I have dedicated untold hours, sweat, love, tears and frustration in my efforts to rehabilitate my dog, but with my other dog learning his bad behaviour, I’m really wondering if I’m doing the right thing.
Do I give up and admit defeat, or do I lean on how wonderful he is when
he is behaving and he’s on his back for a belly rub?

signed,
Sincerely Torn Dog Lover

Dear Dog Lover,

Let me begin by thanking you for picking up some of society’s slack. Maybe it’s a family-less senior’s dog that ended up in a shelter after a death. Or maybe it was an immature purchase by someone who hadn’t really given it appropriate thought. Whether the arrival of an animal at a shelter is preventable or not, someone has to take up that slack and I’m so grateful that you 307 Relax and Succeed - The price of any thingand so many of my friends are very active in this regard. You also have my sympathies regarding the associated challenges. What you’ve glossed over in a paragraph is actually a lot of life. I realize that situations like this can come to dominate our lives.

Of course no one but you can ultimately decide whether you should keep your dog and fumble through the challenges, or shift your attentions to an animal that is capable of receiving them in a useful way. But I’ll do my best to give you some things to ponder which may help you find your way through a maze of what I suspect must be very conflicting thoughts.

Firstly, you aren’t defeated if you were in an unwinnable battle. For all you know the dog has some undetected physiological issue that’s impacting its ability to act in a safe and survivable manner. You also aren’t responsible for the experiences the dog had before the shelter, and it appears those may have been very serious experiences that powerfully embedded some ideas into the dog. You cannot get attached to results. You can only focus on your action, not on outcomes. If the action is loving, then there is no need for regret.

Secondly, I can see why you might be inclined to see it as a failure and that you may have a sense that you’ve “let the dog down.” You didn’t. You’ve clearly done far more than most people would and you should feel good about that. But there’s no way around the fact that stopping now will be traumatic for both you and the dog. I’m not going to pretend those hours will be easy. But then again, most of life is already traumatic for you and the dog at this stage. And the world is not currently benefiting from all you have to offer, so I want you to consider it another way.

307 Relax and Succeed - Its not like everything is someones faultImagine that every being in existence is equal. I suspect this idea is easy for you. And let us say that each person’s ability to contribute to the world in a positive way is rated from +10 to -10, with zero being someone who has no extra compassion or energy to give, but they also don’t need any from anyone else. Most of us are lucky to just bounce temporarily into that negative zone. Big life events like getting fired, or divorced or insulted by someone you respect—those will all take you lower. But likewise, successes, compliments and cooperation will get you higher. Now let’s get to you specifically.

If you’re doing all you’re doing for these two dogs, then clearly you’re on the plus side of the equation. You have a lot to give. The question is, who should you give it to? Can you see that right now you’re taking your +7 being and you’re giving 8 points to your -9 dog? So he’s still a -1 but now you are too! In the accounting of the universe this is not always a good deal.

I would like you to think about what would happen if you only gave away 4 points to a dog that was a -2? Then you would be a +3 and the dog would be a +2. That feels a bit better, doesn’t it? Because that has some balance to it. A -9 dog needs several people to pour a fair amount of life energy into it, and even then that’ll 307 Relax and Succeed - Life is a series of naturaltake time and people can get tired of the expense to their lives. So it’s not so much that this dog doesn’t deserve the care—of course he does. But we also must be prepared to accept what is, and if you’ve poured that much work in, then you’ve probably already demonstrated that this is not likely to be a rescue-able dog. That is a shame, but rather than pour good energy after bad, you might well be wise to consider if your loving efforts might yield more valuable results elsewhere.

Again, no one can answer this but you. But don’t waste your +7 life having -5 guilty-thoughts. As I’m sure your friends have told you, you’ve done much more than most people would. There is no shame in surrendering in an unwinnable battle. And I’m sure there’s some adorable little balls of love that would really benefit from time with a soul as loving as yours so obviously is. So maybe the troubled dog isn’t a rescue case after all. Maybe he’s a lesson in disguise. Maybe he’s a lesson in perseverance. Or maybe he’s a lesson in letting go. And deep deep deep down, I believe you already know which lesson he is. So trust yourself. Because those feelings are how the universe speaks to you.

Big hug. Good luck to all involved.

pees. s 😉