If you’re perceiving reality accurately your language automatically changes as you realise that so many of the things that people say are based in ego and not clarity. That leads us to personalize something rather than simply been aware of it. In essence, we’ve defined an event or thing in way relative to us, rather than being something that simply happened.
Blame is like this. It is possible for a vases to break, without their needing to be someone who is defined as having broken it. In the fixed, ego-based world something happened to you and that created what you see as your painful consequences. However, in the world of clarity, things simply are (albeit some really are painful), and you are either present for them or not.
How does your language slowly shift? It’ll feel corny if you live in ego. But when you see things for what they truly are, these–or variations of them–seem only sensible. Below are some examples:
Ego: It rained on my wedding.
Clarity: The weather was raining on the day of my wedding.
Ego: I am the unluckiest person ever.
Clarity: Lately I’ve been struggling with the tendency to personalise events.
Ego: She hates me.
Clarity: I suspect her and I both have trouble understanding each other’s perspectives.
Ego: What happened to me wasn’t fair.
Clarity: I set an expectation and wasn’t met, and wanting it to be different is hurting.
Ego: I can’t believe that person’s so stupid.
Clarity: I’m sure that person knows things I don’t, but that is one piece of knowledge I got to before they did.
Ego: My divorce was a terrible experience that ruined my life.
Clarity: The combination of my marriage and my divorce helped me get a better understanding of what I’m truly seeking from my relationships.
Ego: It doesn’t matter how hard I try, life sucks.
Clarity: I’m currently in a state of suffering because despite my awareness that I can do otherwise, I’m choosing for now to compare myself to others and to think about my disappointed expectations.
Ego: My life is meaningless and no one loves me.
Clarity: I’m not currently thinking painfully unflattering thoughts about myself so I’m losing touch with the awareness that I’ve positively impacted all kinds of people who value me in ways that are totally unknown to me.
Take today and listen to yourself very carefully. Watch for the tendency to make things yours. And watch your phrasing. If you can think of something better, clarify your point as a way of helping to build that reflex. Over time, because each instance needs that little bit of meditation, you actually accomplish a lot, and the letting go of your resistance becomes natural.
Listen to yourself carefully. Remove your ego. See the event as the observer instead of just seeing it from your perspective. Allow more…
Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.