self respect

Accepting Yourself

Scott McPhersonLeave a comment

1354 Relax and Succeed - We can't show others

Much like the ‘hide your light’ quote from Marianne Williamson is often attributed to Nelson Mandela, this poem is also often mis-attributed to Charlie Chaplin. In fact it has a strange and convoluted history that makes noting its authors complex.

It started as a portion of a book titled When I Loved Myself Enough by Kim and Alison McMillen, but it was later translated into Portuguese, and then the Portuguese version was re-translated back into English by someone or combination of people. That change included the usual shifts that go with translation plus some actual re-writing.

In the end, it’s a collective offering, and a student of mine said a wise thing when she sent it with the note that she felt it was my class presented as a poem. If what I do when I work with people is to teach them to swim, then this poem is like reading about swimming.

 

As I began to love myself
I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living
against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is Authenticity.

As I began to love myself
I understood how much it can offend somebody
if I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right
and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call this Respect.

As I began to love myself
I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything
that surrounded me
was inviting me to grow.
Today I call this Maturity.

As I began to love myself
I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call this Self-Confidence.

As I began to love myself
I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects
for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness,
things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way
and in my own rhythm.
Today I call this Simplicity.

As I began to love myself
I freed myself of anything
that is no good for my health –
food, people, things, situations,
and everything that drew me down
and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is Love of Oneself.

As I began to love myself
I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since
I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is Modesty.

As I began to love myself
I refused to go on living in the past
and worrying about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment,
where everything is happening.
Today I live each day,
day by day,
and I call it Fulfillment.

As I began to love myself
I recognized
that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart,
my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection Wisdom of the Heart.

We no longer need to fear arguments,
confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide,
and out of their crashing, new worlds are born.
Today I know: This is Life!

I haven’t read the book, but it based on this small excerpt, even if the original was altered, it looks like it may be a worthwhile book for kids. Even for adults, sticking it up on a bathroom mirror for daily perusal might not be a bad idea, because even a poem this good can only help us if we stay conscious of what it says.

peace, s

Exhale Your Ego

Scott McPhersonLeave a comment

1310 Relax and Succeed - Surrendering into ourselves

A lot of our stress comes from us being engaged in striving for perfection. Even by definition it’s an impossible problem. Who defines perfection?

Playing an instrument. Dancing, painting. Cooking. Parenting. A religion; yoga; even the Japanese tea ceremony. These are all activities that are best done with an active, creative, present focus. If there’s a precise ‘way’ to do anything, then that’s just another form of expectation.

Even in Buddhist tea ceremony, the precise actions shouldn’t create the headspace, the headspace and the precise actions should become one. Yes, one is designed like a meditation to lead to the other, but in practice they are not one in the same. That’s missing the point. When a wise person points to the moon, we’re not supposed to look at their finger.

Every one of us; let’s all forget our ideas for how we’re supposed to be. Let us just be who we are instead. It’s easier. Surrendering into ourselves is like performing a spiritually relaxing exhale of ego.

Maybe we’re experienced and have a slow steady flow to life, maybe we’re new and are lost but wild with enthusiasm. Neither person is right or failing or doing it ‘the right way.’ We’re all just individuals climbing around on the terrain of life.

Everyone is already living their lives perfectly, we just keep telling ourselves otherwise because we each imagined a different story. But do you see? That is a part of our story too –that we tell ourselves stories that aren’t true.

1310 Relax and Succeed - Doing anything really well

We don’t need to fix anything, we don’t need to improve or be perfect. We just need to realize that the way we already are is totally fine if we maintain a healthy headspace of knowing who we are, and by avoiding the act of telling ourselves that we should be someone different. If we’re not self-talking we can remain fully present for action.

It is unhealthy to be so rigidly focused on rituals, rules and history that we fail to notice our opportunities to make our lives and the world around us into a better place for all. Doing anything really well is not defined by how we do the thing itself, it’s defined by how conscious we are when we do whatever we do.

Without consciousness, we are left to be crippled by our own insecurities. This unnatural over-thinking state leads us to feel discomfort, as the universe naturally urges us to go quiet and come alive.

The universe sees no value having any aspect of itself spin in on any other aspect of itself. That is spiritually unproductive. Self-absorbed self-criticism is unproductive and worse, it can lead us to deny the universe the value of our creative and social contributions to it.

We must get our thoughts out of our way in order to enact our lives. Why not start right now?

peace, s

The Friday Dose #137

Scott McPhersonLeave a comment

A student said to me the other day, “This is stuff is so weird. It seems so strange that you can’t, you know; ‘get healthy.’, You have just start being, uh, being healthy I guess.” He’s right, it is weird. When you try to say to someone that clarity is something enjoyable that you relax into with no effort, it just sounds nice but few people ever accept quickly that it really is that easy.

So here for today’s Friday Dose of inspiration, spirit, meaning and value. Meet Richie Parker. You’ll see why a lot of people might immediately think that Richie isn’t healthy, and yet Richie is extremely clear about what makes life meaningful.

Richie spends literally no time focused on anything other than how he would accomplish whatever it is he wants to do. He doesn’t have a can’t in his vocabulary. Sure he’s had big challenges and frustrations along the way, but look what believing in your own health and capability can create.

Of course, part of the reason Richie is this way is because his parents did everything they could to allow him to feel like he didn’t have limits. In essence, like the Hoyts, they created an environment where there were few cues to Richie that he should think of himself as anything other than capable.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.