If. Wishes. Hopes. Your life slides past you while you wait for the world outside you to line up like an eclipse. You’re waiting for the right person. You’ll be happy once you’ve found your soul mate. You just don’t want to be alone. In your world all the single people are secretly unhappy and all the married one’s are truly fortunate. And that’s a ridiculous and unsustainable idea.
First off, there are a lot of people in relationships they wish they could escape from. Maybe they’re held there through psychological abuse, or violence, or threats, or maybe they can’t leave financially, or they don’t want their child to be absent a parent… there are a lot of violent, abusive, addicted people in the world and you can bet that a lot of those good-looking marriages have their share of those people in them.
Secondly, there are a lot of very happy single people who are enjoying their freedoms and who can still have a variety of different relationships to fulfil a variety of needs—even intimate ones. So there is no way to be. We’re not right to be in a relationship, nor are we wrong. It’s the question that’s nonsense.
If you are single then it’s important to meditate on the difference between loneliness and simply being alone. One can be painful and the other can be a very enjoyable time. The key difference is that the painful one features a lot of wanting thoughts, while the enjoyable one features a lot of appreciative thoughts.
If you’re by yourself and you’re sitting there thinking wanting thoughts about how you wish you weren’t alone, or you wish you were with a special someone right then, then you are habitually sitting by yourself and voluntarily thinking torturous thoughts. That will lead to tortuous feelings. That is not a wise thing to do. Especially when you could be looking at the same circumstances and be revelling in the peace and freedom instead. But if you don’t know how to be happy when you’re alone, then you won’t know how to be happy when you’re with someone.
A person can wait on you hand and foot, they can offer kindnesses or suffer abuse and it will not change what is in your heart. That is entirely up to you. That is your part of the universe. You have free will within it. And you will absolutely, positively, definitely and certainly get exactly what you ask for. So you could be sleeping next to the man of your dreams, but if you’re thinking about the fact that he doesn’t pick up his underwear, then the man will appear to be disappointing even though he was supposedly your answer to happiness.
Similarly, if you’re alone and you’re using your thinking to compare your single reality with your previously imagined married reality, then that will hurt too. You will imagine that you have failed. But if you’re paying attention to the upsides of being single, then you are living in a situation where you have the freedom to choose a life that keeps pace with your own personal rhythms. If you think gratefully about that you will have a life that feels good even though you’re single.
If you’re sitting there thinking that a relationship is going to make you happy then you do not understand where happiness comes from. If you’re sitting there in a relationship thinking you’re unhappy because of your partner, then you don’t understand where your happiness comes from either. You must know how to appreciate the situation you’re in before you can say you are wise about happiness. Because it’s not people or things that make you happy. It’s you.
Have a happy day.