If you were enlightened you would understand that you and all other things are all made from the same love, and so any distinctions are done with narrative story-lines, not by having actual individual entities. So there is no right or wrong story, there is only the story you choose to tell yourself.
As you tell these stories, you should be focused on the chemistry your generating within yourself. If it’s unpleasant, then stop telling that story whether it’s about you or anyone else. But if you think a character in your story dictates how happy you can be, then you have misunderstood the source of true happiness.
If there is a story in two lifetimes featuring a husband and a wife, it is not a great story if they’re still both together at the end of the book. It’s great if they chose to both stay because the relationship was so rewarding. You don’t stay in a marriage because you’re married. You stay because you are dedicated to helping create joy for your partner and it’s their nature to reciprocate. In short, you want to want your own life. You want to appreciate how fortunate you are.
If someone is making your life miserable with a lot of anger, or fears, or judgments, then it is not a bad thing to write them out of your story. Again, you don’t win at life by keeping characters in your book from beginning to end. That may or may not happen. What counts is, what actually happened on each individual moment/page? Was it rewarding and/or enjoyable? If it is, it doesn’t matter if there wasn’t one consistent character other than you.
You being with this or that person will not be what makes you happy. No one else decides what you think so no one else can make you happy. That is a moment by moment choice, and each individual must make it for themselves. So stop saying your sad because you’re not with this or that person. It’s not the cast that counts, it’s the play. You can put an amazing cast in a terrible play and no one will find it appealing. But put a rotating cast in a great play, and everyone will give it a standing ovation.
Make the sort of choices that lead to happiness, not to longevity. If you’re waiting for someone else to become someone else before you can be happy, then plan on waiting a lifetime. Because you could die with that wish unfulfilled. Meanwhile you would have missed out on spending time with truly amazing people doing truly amazing things.
Pick your cast well. Avoid vexatious or negative people and seek those who are open and loving and patient. Then you will have chosen happiness by choosing to surround yourself with its sources. Congratulations.
A serious childhood brain injury lead Scott to spend his entire life meditating on the concepts of thought, consciousness, reality and identity. It made others as strange to him as he was to them. When he realized people were confused by their own over-thinking, Scott began teaching others to understand reality. He is currently CBC Radio Active’s Wellness Columnist, as well as a writer, speaker and mindfulness instructor based in Edmonton, AB where he still finds it strange to write about himself in the third person.