Scott’s Favourite Blogs of 2014 #1

724 BY14-1 Relax and Succeed - I have found that

There is probably no greater issue plaguing our society than excessive worry and anxiousness. Phones are beeping, emails are piling up, the house is a mess, you’re late on two projects and you’re exhausted worrying about how to add more. Instead lets take some away. Because my favourite blog of last year was about taking all of the energy you use to worry and using it to live instead! You have more fun and you get more done.

CLICK BELOW TO READ:

Winner: Scott’s Favourite
Blogs of 2014 #1

peace. s

Shaping Identity

I do have favoured ways of using the skills I developed as I learned to study the human mind. Because people fall into less than a dozen fundamental groups, you’ll see huge patterns in the sorts of challenges that each group habitually faces. So for instance, if I can identify a very rigid and unequivocal mind then I will know that the greyness of life will be the bane of the person’s existence and that most of their problems in life will stem from avoiding that greyness.

709 Relax and Succeed - A little spark of kindnessThat being the case, as with all of our fears, I know they will either suffer for decades and then either develop some level of comfort with life’s uncertainties, or they won’t. Some people grow through life and approach death with interest and wonder. Other people find the world didn’t turn out the way they want and they’re bitter and want more time to make it right. So we either fight the flow or go with the flow. One we know as suffering and the other as life.

What this means is, if I see you destined to fight with the flow—and particularly if you’re still young—I’ll often gently set you on a direction that will encourage you toward having some very early experiences that are highly likely to reduce the impact of those kinds of challenges throughout your life. Because of this I’ve had the distinct pleasure of watching several friends excel at a variety of things where they otherwise would have had much, much more resistance to realizing their own abilities.

When a acquaintance’s son approached me a while back, I knew I was spending time with a kid who got lost in a mall once and now he sees the world as a pretty scary place. He often overwhelms himself with fears and paranoia over any manner of the unknown. It doesn’t take someone like me to see what sort of adult this person will grow into without any intervention. He’ll continue to see the world as scary and it will influence everything from his romantic choices to what he eats to how well respected he is at his job. This is no small obstacle in life. In fact, it’s one of the biggest things that holds people back from enjoying their own rewarding lives.

709 Relax and Succeed - Beleive love dream inspireSimon likes spending time with me in the same way that he’ll be attracted to adventurous people in life. That’s who he’ll admire, who he’ll date. And for most of his life he will beat himself up for not taking various opportunities the way those people would. Those people. Who are those people?

They’re people who are comfortable with the unknown. So when Simon asks me if the kids in the jungle get scared of getting lost, I know I have a chance to place the idea in his brain that maybe getting lost is good, and if it’s not good it’s at least okay. Simon needs to be okay with that floundering period everyone has before they get a grip. He needs to understand that feeling isn’t him failing, that feeling is normally associated with new things.

So I explain that everyone knows the kids will get lost. But that’s fine because not knowing where you are is necessary before you can know where you are. Before you’re lost you don’t even know there’s such a thing as found—which is why this idea bothers Simon. That mall event was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to him. That freaked his mom out so much that Simon is now terrified of this happening again. To the point where he sees kids in the jungle through eyes formed by that early experience in a mall.

709 Relax and Succeed - If you learn from defeatI explain to Simon that even an old path is brand new to a new set of eyes. So no one can really be taught the way back. Everyone finds their own way back in their own unique way, even if they take the same path. So before you can know anything you have to accept not-knowing it. Before you can be comfortable with anything you have to traverse not being comfortable with it. And because Simon trusts me, and because my voice is relaxed and my expression says no big deal, Simon frowns at this new knowledge. Hmmm he’s thinking. I didn’t know being lost or confused could be okay. And that’s all I need.

That one little idea will mean Simon will live a much richer life, and he will offer more of himself to the world because he won’t be wasting as much of his life-force spinning in place, questioning decisions he’s either made or has to make. Simon will live more fully. And nothing pleases me more than inoculating someone like that. And it even makes Simon and I closer because he associates me with feeling great about himself, which just makes my job easier going forward because I will reinforce his capability every time I see him.

709 Relax and Succeed - You don't need a reasonYou do this with everyone you interact with all day long. Your long time spouse. The kid you talk to at the door for two seconds. Your 85 year old grandmother. They all have ideas about themselves and they’ll overwhelmingly be far too self-critical. Don’t surrender opportunities to buoy their spirits. Give compliments. Support people. Believe in them actively. Because they’ll certainly have to deal with their share of diminishing egos as well.

Don’t beat yourself up and don’t stand for others doing it either. Remind others of their strengths and you of your own. Life’s hard enough that we don’t need to add to it by attacking ourselves. And at the same time it’s plenty rewarding, so it’s important that we’re not filling our consciousness with self recrimination or fears about our inability when we could be using that energy to absorb this great big beautiful world and all of the amazing people like you who are in it.

Now go have yourself an awesome day and affect people in an awesome way.

peace. s

Shadow Personalities

What you perceive of as people’s individual personalities are actually just shadows cast by your own thinking. This may seem ridiculous but it happens in much the same way that a cinematographer can make a character look angelic or sinister to you depending on where he or she places the light. The angle of the light represents the perspectives of our beliefs. A character or person can change drastically based on our beliefs. Just think of how that angle changes between falling in love and breaking up! But what changed? Them, or the direction of the light?

687 Relax and Succeed - In this lifeYou spend a lot of your life trying to manage people’s perceptions of you but that is futile and wasteful in all kinds of ways. First off, you have no idea what their perceptions are. Even if they say so you still don’t know. The prettiest girl in school can give you the sort of make-up and hair advice that subtly suggests to you that you are ugly, but she’s more likely to do that if she actually thinks you’re the prettiest girl in school. And even if she thought that something or someone was ugly, who’s to say she won’t change that opinion? We do our whole lives. So why try to manage the entries in some weird historical Etch-a-Sketch book that’s always being shaken clean? Why not live instead?

You don’t see others and they don’t see you. Not figuratively, literally. Because there is no you to see. Because everyone has their own idea of value and so everyone perceives you in their own unique way based on their knowledge and life experience. So since everyone has their own idea of you—their own angle of light—then they’re all seeing something slightly different. And there’s no way to reconcile that. Since there is no one who would even be able to perceive any strange, general Objective Reality above that, we can just relax into the idea that all that really matters is our Subjective Reality. We don’t have to manage all of those people because the universe won’t let us. We only have to manage our own thoughts. Because it’s from those that we shape the beliefs that in turn shape both ourselves and others.

687 Relax and Succeed - I have already lostYou have to see people in some way. So your views are fine to have as long as you don’t take them too seriously—that you remember they are just your views. The cinematographer doesn’t want to start treating the actor like he’s the character. And this applies to others opinions about you as well. Do some views carry consequences in your life? Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that you have no control over their perspective. Your ability to influence anyone’s view of you is crippled by the fact that you don’t even know where to start. You cannot think from their perspective and so you have no idea what their view of you is.

Despite this reality everyone spends most of their lives trying to manage these perceptions. They get angry or sad or bitter about their perceptions of other people’s perceptions about them. To surrender all of that is to be free of your ego’s need to prove itself. To be valuable. To be worthy. And it turns out that all you have to do is stop talking to yourself under the presumption that anything’s wrong with you or anyone else. Do that and suddenly you don’t need all of the self-discussions about, what do I do to become acceptable? or how do I get that person to do what I want so I can deem them acceptable? Instead you’re fine with people and things the way they are. You just have peace.

Find the angles you light people from. Had a bad experience with betrayal? Then you’ll probably cast a suspicious light on others. Had an angry, reproachful father? Then you’ll be inclined to look at things and people fearfully. Or was your mother carefree almost to the point of neglect? Then you’ll either need that same kind of freedom or you’ll crave order but, either way, unless you become very conscious, your experiences with your mother will have shaped where you place the light on yourself and others. That’s why so many people vote just like their parents. They’ve only ever seen issues lit in one fundamental way.

687 Relax and Succeed - What is loveForget all of that head-talking. Forget gossip. Forget the words that you use to place the lights that will shape your vision. Stop wanting your spouse or co-workers to be different people. Accept by going quiet. Let their light be natural. It’ll still have an angle relative to you, but you’ll have saved yourself all the effort of re-lighting it yourself with your psyche. Because the less your ego is involved the more you open the light up and the better you can see. But no matter who you are no one sees everything. There is always mystery. There is always shadow. The secret is to stop asking. Relax knowing that the mystery is where your future is. And it’s not a future you’re not supposed to figure out, you’re just supposed to live it.

Now go have yourself an awesome day.

peace. s