Winner: 2014’s Other Perspectives of the Year
Uh. Be careful with this one. A lot of people will misinterpret this. This doesn’t mean you help your partner improve. It means you help them become who they really are. Improvement was what I originally thought too. A lot of people make that mistake. My ex-wife and I (I was much worse than her), saw potential in each other that was unrealized and so we lovingly urged each other to realize it. We were totally well-intentioned. But what we’re essentially saying to the person is, “you’re not okay the way you are already.” Ouch. People don’t “make” anyone better, people grow at their own pace relative to the nourishment they have. Period. So in the relationship I had after my wife, I didn’t wake up and look at her and think: wow you have so much incredible potential that I want to help you realize—I thought instead: wow I cannot believe how patient and dedicated you are to put up with all of my unrealized potential, not to mention my way of being. I’m so grateful I want to help you with whatever you want to do. That meant I had questions and not suggestions. I was looking for direction not to give direction. It was much more peaceful and much more actively loving. You want two people who are independent enough that they are choosing to be together, not that they feel they’ll fail without the other person. We’re not here to pull people out of holes. We’re here to place them on our shoulders so they can reach even higher. Now go ask your partner what they want to accomplish and give them a hand. It’ll be good for both of you. 😉
Following a serious childhood brain injury Scott McPherson unwittingly spent his entire life meditating on the concepts of thought, consciousness, reality and the self. This made him as strange to others as they were to him. Seeing the self-harm people created with their own over-thinking, Scott dedicated part of his life to helping others live with greater awareness. He is currently a writer, speaker and mindfulness instructor based in Edmonton, AB, where he still finds it strange to write about himself in the third person.