Scott’s tied up in a burlap bag, bound and gagged. I know this because I did it to him. I’m Stella, Scott’s evil twin. All of his stupid positiveness drives me nuts. I’m taking over. Let’s face it; life is crap and we all know it. There’s no getting out of this alive, it’s just a matter of how long and how badly you suffer until then.
I had some crook bilk me out of $400 last year. $400! Scott figures I should forgive that guy by forgetting about him. Screw that. I think about that jerk every day all day. I imagine how I’d get my revenge, I think about who could have stopped him so I can be mad at them too, and I imagine my life if it never happened and the comparison is agony, so no one can tell me that thief didn’t ruin my life. Just look at all of that!
The whole thing just stresses me out. Scott says I should change my focus so that I’m not giving myself stress-chemicals. Well maybe that’s what they’re for! Yeah, I know I’m not being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, but maybe this exam for work is today’s version of a tiger. Don’t tell me I’m not stressed. I can list every single reason why.
It’s not like I can look forward to a brighter future either. If anything it’ll probably get worse. Someone in my family must have broken a lot mirrors or walked under a lot of ladders because I’ve been plagued by bad luck all my life. Or maybe I just have more people stabbing me in the back. It’s not like you can trust people.
Scott believes you’re better to bet on the goodness in people, that it’ll lead to a better life than the opposite. Yeah sure. I’ll just assume this guy walking down the street isn’t a rapist. What’s he doing on this street? Why’s he walking? I know he’s a neighbour but he’s a creepy one. Look at him. He’s smiling. See? Creep. He just comes home from work and watches TV. There’s probably bodies in the basement or in jars somewhere.
Nope. You can’t risk dying just for some stab at a good life. Then it’s over. Then what? Then you have zero opportunity to actually get that good life you’ve been waiting all this time for. You don’t want to die bungee jumping or learning to fly or by asking someone to dance. Better to wait for the good luck others get. Once you have that you can start your life. For now it’s just too risky out there. You might lose some face.
Scott claims our feelings of being hurt are some kind of interpretation we do with personal thinking. Interpretation? I don’t care if I was being treated badly, I still got dumped; I don’t care that I wasn’t home when it happened, someone robbed me; and I don’t care if I found out I’m cancer-free, I can’t believe they worried me so much with all of that unnecessary testing. People should show me more respect!
You can see why the world’s so crappy. The reasons are laying all over the place but you don’t see anyone doing anything about it. No one cares. The idiots. If they had half a brain they’d have some compassion. Well screw them. They’re in this sinking, stinking boat too. I can’t wait for it to sink. I just want to go to sleep. I find thinking about all this just so exhausting.
Here’s hoping your day isn’t as bad as mine’ll probably be.
Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organisations locally and around the world.
Following a serious childhood brain injury Scott McPherson unwittingly spent his entire life meditating on the concepts of thought, consciousness, reality and the self. This made him as strange to others as they were to him. Seeing the self-harm people created with their own overthinking, Scott dedicated part of his life to helping others live with greater awareness. He is currently a writer, speaker and mindfulness instructor based in Edmonton, AB, where he finds it strange to write about himself in the third person.