Okay, so you’ve had a week of starting your day off with what you feel grateful for. If you do that earnestly for a while it will really start to pay off. And how did you do watching for judgments? It’s amazing how many of them you make in your mind. I like this song, that hairstyle looks terrible on her, what’s he doing telling me how it should be done? Blah blah blah all day long.
For the rest of this week I want you to notice how seldom people make each other feel good and how often they reduce each other. Feel your own reductions so that you can appreciate how it feels for others when you insert an unrequired, unsolicited opinion on anything from their car to their childrearing. If the world needs our help it’ll ask. In the meantime, we could be giving compliments instead.
Most of the time when you say do it the right way you mean do it your way. That’s a judgment call. To each their own. You don’t want other people telling you how to do every other little thing, so just stay quiet in the driver’s seat and let your co-parent actually parent. Get out of the habit of thinking that your view is the right one. Stop thinking anyone has the right one. Realize that we don’t need better behaving people, we need a more tolerant society that can allow people to a) do things differently and b) learn while doing.
For the rest of this week stop at the top of every hour and check in on how many judgments you made of yourself and others, out loud and internal. Study them and realize how ridiculous they are–how they’re primarily just requests to act like you. See them for what they are: pointless commentary on the game of life. It’s time you and everyone else gave up all the judging and got back to the serious business of playing instead.
What kind of words show up when you judge? Watch for them. Better, right, proper, etc etc. Avoid those words. See how few judgments you can pass in a day. And do it very seriously for the rest of your work-week. If you want a more peaceful life you have to get out of the habit of judging every single step you and others take. The world doesn’t need referees or teachers watching our every move. We all need to get quieter minds. So when someone corrects you remember it means nothing to you, and remember the opposite is also true: your opinion lives only in your head. Unless asked for it we should just leave it dormant within us.
By the end of today you should have categories of judgments you’re aware of. Physical ones, philosophical ones, factual ones etc. etc. etc. Know them. Be familiar with what incites your judgments. Be wary in those situations. Each day work to reduce the amount of comments you make about others driving, work, attitudes and level of respect. Just Be you. If you’re doing it right that will keep you plenty busy.
Now go create an awesome day by quieting your mind by studying and stalling your judgments. Put it in your calendar so you’re reminded each morning: no judgments today. Practice will never make perfect but it will create a ton of peace for you to enjoy. Have a great day everyone!
Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and nonprofit organizations around the world.