The Friday Dose #108

909 FD Relax and Succeed - How long to napThere are a lot of people whose lives would be greatly improved if only they had the ability to function outside of social convention. I routinely see people tortured by the gap between their instructions and their sense of reality.

Bosses tell us not to eat when we’re hungry, despite having sensations of thirst we let a university tell us how much to water to drink, parents need permission from a Principal for their kid to be accepted as sick, adults sleep-deprive themselves to solve problems for work, and people will actually defer going to the bathroom to help meet a deadline. Not trusting our nature is leading to a sick and stressed society.

Bosses, universities, authorities, clocks and bathrooms are all inventions of thought. None of these things exist in the natural world and they only exist if people believe in them. You can cooperate with all of those things to assist you in relating to others, but to be a slave to them is to kill your humanity. It’s okay to eat when you’re hungry, to take a break when you need to, and definitely to sleep when you’re tired.

909 FD Relax and Succeed - Paper cut outPrince died yesterday. He was only 57 so it caught people off guard. What made Prince, or David Bowie or any other person truly great? They ignored the rules. They ignored what was considered acceptable and instead they showed us what was was inside them.

Prince wore the outfits that other people dream of wearing but don’t because they’re afraid of being judged. He danced in front of people the way others dance when they’re alone. And he sang his songs with volume and heart because he believed they belonged in the world without anyone else saying so. We could all use a bit more of Prince’s boldness in our lives.

And how did Prince react to adversity? When he was told it was pouring rain for one of the biggest shows of his life, Prince’s reaction was: “Can you make it rain harder?” And then he went out and ignored what everyone else would do and he blew everyone away. This is what freedom looks like:

Documentary on Prince at the Superbowl

 

So stop letting the world tell you how to be and start being yourself in this world. Don’t be a slave to society. Life is precious. Live accordingly.

Have a great weekend everyone.

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.

Generations

Something bad happened and almost no one noticed. Now something really good has happened and again, no one has noticed. I get it. My broken brain is weird. So it sees these shifts in general patterns in how we’re wiring kids with the things we tell them, how we educate them, what we do, and the experiences they’ve had. And that leads to societal impacts.

906 Relax and Succeed - One of the best ways I knowThe first trend I saw wasn’t long after I left school when I was aware of how new approaches to education would lead to future issues in large segments of the population. In the 60’s people were even taught by doctors and parenting experts that love was dangerous and it would undermine a child’s skill-building. They pendulum was then swinging in the direction of, no pain no gain.

By the 80’s pop psychology was big and this was the beginning of both a positive and an unsettling trend. At least it laid the groundwork for something better to follow. Those differences are at the heart of the debate of why those under 35ish often feel so different than those over 40ish.

The differences are real. They had to be. They childhoods were entirely different. In the 60’s everyone was forced to grasp the concepts of cause and effect and that unfortunately got perverted into earning one’s keep.

906 Relax and Succeed - We've bought into the ideaPart of this trend was from the idea of original sin, and so everyone was starting off in a hole and needed to work to get out. If you were still in the hole after a while that was perceived to be because you weren’t using your spiritual strength to climb out, as opposed to you were injured or in a much deeper hole.

Then we decided love was important to child-rearing (go figure), and the pendulum swung too far in the opposite direction–toward individualism and love. People were lied to and told they could do it all on their own, and the idea was that all you needed was love, but then love was presented by advertising as: the acceptance of your peers. (Please “like” this post. 😉 )

So a group that was unloved thinks the only way to create value in yourself is to work hard to earn it. This is great in that it created a lot of the world’s greatest things, but it also leaves little room for the joy of living. The group that was untested is often left largely incapable in classical senses, but maybe that’s not a bad thing if what you’re building is subconsciously something quite different.

906 Relax and Succeed - Calvin and HobbesIncreasingly there’s more people who can do both. Yes, many have taken the worst of it by becoming strict promoters of hard-work and individualism as shallow routes to ego-success. But increasingly more and more people are choosing loving generosity, where they’re so good at love and compassion that they have learned to care more about others than themselves in many ways. This is very healthy.

Where this creates a conflict is that adults are pushing kids towards classic responsibilities of which 80% will still apply. But they can’t see the other 20% that involves imagining a world so different from the older group that they often have trouble seeing it at all. So the Burning Man Festival looks crazy rather than beautiful.

Meanwhile the more modern kids are left psychologically frail, where too much of their self esteem depends on external praise, but at the same time they’re less interested in ownership and control and they’re more motivated toward connection and creating happiness. If we combine these two generation’s strengths we’re really accomplishing something.

906 Relax and Succeed - How to change the worldThis is why I stay happy. You can see that people over 40 are slaves to the man, and you can see it that kids are lazy and lack motivation, or you can say that that the over 40 crowd really does have useful strengths all while the under 30’s are leading us toward a brighter, more egalitarian future.

People can now imagine a future without borders and race, where we work together to fulfil the largest number of needs rather than make crazy sacrifices towards the achieving the largest number of wants for a tiny selection of people. It’s a massive shift. And people should take heart.

We’re going in a very positive direction. Pretty much like we continually have. And that seems like something we can take pleasure in enjoying. So have yourself a fantastic Monday and instead of looking for what you don’t like about the world, try meditating on what good things emerge from those same things. You’ll surprise yourself and you’ll get better at seeing the best in life more often. And that is the biggest way you can make the most useful contribution to the best in all of this. I wish you every good fortune. Have an awesome week!

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations locally and around the world.

The Kindness of Others

888 Relax and Succeed - We scientists don't knowRemember, the point of all of these awareness-raising exercises is to give you a rewarding and enjoyable life. And for the people doing them, it’s working. Whether it’s the morning gratitude meditations from week one, or giving the opposite sex more serious consideration, or by being more grateful for the kindness already shown to us, people are using these exercises to enhance their ability to feel good.

Kindness is helpful in this pursuit because it is a form of direct link between beings. Kindness nurtures support and engenders cooperation and defense. Kindness is the basis for our societies. The old capitalist idea that we’re all fundamentally selfish was proven wrong many decades ago. It wasn’t hard to see that a cooperating group would always defeat a selfish group, so kindness is like the glue that holds us all together and it therefore deserves our respect and attention.

Who are the kindest people you know? Who is kindest in your family and how? Who is kindest at work or school? Again, how? Who is kindest in your social group? What is the kindest organization you’re involved with? Ask yourself very seriously how these people express their kindness. A decent act done out of obligation loses its kindness. Look at these examples in your own life to see the results of genuine generosity.

888 Relax and Succeed - You become like the 5Like many of the others this might seem like too simple a mental task to undertake. But there’s the challenge for a lot of you: you say you want to feel better, you start things with an aim to have them help you feel better (like, for instance, reading this blog), but then you’re half-hearted or undedicated to the actual “work” of creating a better life.

Now by “work” I mean doing the things that will feel more rewarding, less taxing and more beneficial to your soul. These things aren’t really work because they’re easier than what you’re doing now–it takes a lot of effort to suffer. That’s where the people who have really suffered have the advantage and it also might explain the idea of the meek inheriting the Earth.

People who have been through a lot always value feeling better like it’s a life and death question–which it very much is. You either live your life consciously or you never actually come alive much at all. But to do it consciously you have to endeavour to make yourself conscious. It’s what you always did as a kid so it isn’t difficult, but you do have to do it. If you’re going to use all those words to get yourself lost, then you’ll have to put some effort into being found again.

888 Relax and Succeed - I slept and dreamed that life is all joyI’m getting great emails from people who are simply doing the exercises. They fit into gaps in their day without too much trouble and just by earnestly doing each one these people are noticing real benefits. So I can’t save you. I can guide you. But ultimately everyone saves themselves. And you do that by being open and loving and supportive to people. It turns out that feels good, and it also makes people want to act that way toward you. It’s a good system.

So look at your life. Find the kindest people in it and call them–don’t text, let them hear the meaning in your voice. And thank them or go see them so they can see see the genuine appreciation on your face. Look at their lives and ask–how do they do it? Is it that they don’t judge? They’re funny? They can be silent and give you space when you need it? They stay in regular touch? Ask yourself exactly how they’re kindness-smart and what you can learn from them.

Find the three kindest people you know and write down what makes them particularly kind, and then before the end of this week do each of those three things for someone else. And be conscious of how you feel when you do it. It will be those good feelings that get you to continue, because as any happy person knows, kindness is a beautifully selfish act. Enjoy.

peace. s

Scott McPherson is an Edmonton-based writer, public speaker, and mindfulness facilitator who works with individuals, companies and non-profit organizations around the world.