You want love. You pine. You yearn. You wish. You plead. Why can’t you be swept off your feet? Why can’t someone who makes life easier come along? What can’t your heart feel the fullness of true love?
Do really want the answer to that? Because the answer is that you choose not to fill it with love. Your heart is full of criticism, judgment and opinion about everything and everybody—most importantly including you. Why is it filled with that? Because that’s what you invest your consciousness on. If I monitored your thoughts all day I would find that you thought a lot about your identity and I would also witness you levelling all sorts of criticisms, judgments and opinions about that identity. And you do the same thing to everyone else too.
So… it begs the question, what are you doing at a salon? Why are you spending your hard-earned money on French nails? Why spend $150 on perfume? All of that effort and expense—and expense is really just another form of deferred effort—is to try to attract a person who will love you and who you will love as well. But then these are superficial things that are purchases, not your identity. The people we date don’t live with our labels and scents, they live with us. So the real question is, what kind of person are you without them? And the point of this blog is that you’re someone who beats themselves up.
So to an outsider your ego is like a jerk you have along for the ride. You drive down a road and you spot a bakery and your ego-buddy immediately starts telling you that you’re not fine the way you are, and how you should diet because you’re too fat and too unappealing to attract a romantic partner. Essentially you’re punished for being human.
What would these internal conversations sound like to an outsider? Your ego-buddy just called you fat. Why would someone who likes you want to sit around and listen to their friend get berated by their own ego? Does that sound fun? Attractive? Compelling? Sheesh. So of course people you’re attracted to aren’t going to find it appealing that you beat yourself up.
So basically every day you work hard to earn money so you can go spend it all on bait. So you’ll put in 8-12 hours a day on superficial bait, but I ask you to do one simple thing to change your life and you all rear-up as though I’m asking for the moon. Forget $400 blouses, $2000 watches, agonizing trips to the gym and plastic surgery. Just love yourself instead. Yeah. Revolutionary, huh? Love yourself. Just stop berating yourself so that the real you can come alive. Berating you just trains you to be with people who berate you. Loving yourself is what teaches you to be with people who love you.
Here, we can start here: I love you. You go next. You love yourself. Isn’t this great? And you’ve still got 6,999,998 more people to be loved by. Have fun! 😉
Following a childhood accident should have left him dead, Scott McPherson spent his life meditating on thought, consciousness, reality and the self. Seeing the emotional damage done by ego-based overthinking he began dedicating a part of his life to guiding students toward more peaceful and rewarding lives. He is currently a writer, speaker and mindfulness instructor based in Edmonton, Canada.